Post by Karen on Mar 27, 2005 11:55:53 GMT -5
Be forewarned, I might say bad words like "hell" but ...
What the hell is this with the rules about 3-months' wages? Is that some snob rule people have who pretend they're still "old money" even in these days where "old money" is a passe and ridiculous concept? I could excuse that arrogance in the name of propriety back in the day when money meant respect and nobody knew any different, but nowadays it just seems anachronistic and ridiculous.
Maybe I am ignorant, although I know I'm well-educated and a good person and so is my husband.
Are your future in-laws putting this pressure on you, or are you just trying to impress them?
Why can't the cost of the ring, like any other gift, be kept secret? Whatever happened to *that*? In my case, my husband asked me what I liked and then surprised me much, much later with his proposal and the exact kind of ring I liked. I know *now* what it costs, but I didn't then. It's a high-quality solitaire, don't remember how many karats, tho. About half the size of a pea.
You can get a very clear, good-sized solitaire with no or few imperfections for $1000. Or you could spend $1500 on a bigger one. Or $2000 or $3000 on something she'll have trouble functioning with because it'll be snagging on everything.
Diamonds are notoriously overpriced compared to their real value. I know you don't want to be "Cheap" but all of this impressing the in-laws is just for show when it comes down to it.
Questions for you to ask yourself:
Are you possibly underestimating your in-laws? Maybe they're great people and you're too anxious about impressing them, because you're marrying into such a great family! However, you're obviously anxious, so more questions to consider:
Your in-laws' opinions are irrelevant. Does it matter that much to you, what they think, if they could be so superficial? You will give them so many opportunties to form good or bad opinions about you. Believe me, shortly after a proposal, nobody gives a d**n about the ring on your bride's finger. It's a fun show for about 1-2 months and it's forgotten. Is this a harbinger of worse issues to come, where you suspect you'll be judged for not being "good enough"? Can you live with that, if they are so superficial? You can always move far away from them, but your fiance will have to be willing to be adventurous if she's always bent on staying close to home. Can you count on her to be on your side if you have reason to believe that you will constantly be at odds with her possibly superficial parents?
Have you discussed your future fiance's taste in rings? Seeing as she may or may not keep it on her finger forever, it's perfectly acceptable to let her tell you what she likes.
I hope we are both not underestimating anybody here. I hope your in-laws are good people, so I'm sorry if I sounded skeptical about them. Without knowing more about them, I had to "go there" about in-laws.
For now, that's all I gotta say, and I do hope it helps! Been there, done that, doesn't even wear her engagement ring anymore because it snags on everything, Karen
What the hell is this with the rules about 3-months' wages? Is that some snob rule people have who pretend they're still "old money" even in these days where "old money" is a passe and ridiculous concept? I could excuse that arrogance in the name of propriety back in the day when money meant respect and nobody knew any different, but nowadays it just seems anachronistic and ridiculous.
Maybe I am ignorant, although I know I'm well-educated and a good person and so is my husband.
Are your future in-laws putting this pressure on you, or are you just trying to impress them?
Why can't the cost of the ring, like any other gift, be kept secret? Whatever happened to *that*? In my case, my husband asked me what I liked and then surprised me much, much later with his proposal and the exact kind of ring I liked. I know *now* what it costs, but I didn't then. It's a high-quality solitaire, don't remember how many karats, tho. About half the size of a pea.
You can get a very clear, good-sized solitaire with no or few imperfections for $1000. Or you could spend $1500 on a bigger one. Or $2000 or $3000 on something she'll have trouble functioning with because it'll be snagging on everything.
Diamonds are notoriously overpriced compared to their real value. I know you don't want to be "Cheap" but all of this impressing the in-laws is just for show when it comes down to it.
Questions for you to ask yourself:
Are you possibly underestimating your in-laws? Maybe they're great people and you're too anxious about impressing them, because you're marrying into such a great family! However, you're obviously anxious, so more questions to consider:
Your in-laws' opinions are irrelevant. Does it matter that much to you, what they think, if they could be so superficial? You will give them so many opportunties to form good or bad opinions about you. Believe me, shortly after a proposal, nobody gives a d**n about the ring on your bride's finger. It's a fun show for about 1-2 months and it's forgotten. Is this a harbinger of worse issues to come, where you suspect you'll be judged for not being "good enough"? Can you live with that, if they are so superficial? You can always move far away from them, but your fiance will have to be willing to be adventurous if she's always bent on staying close to home. Can you count on her to be on your side if you have reason to believe that you will constantly be at odds with her possibly superficial parents?
Have you discussed your future fiance's taste in rings? Seeing as she may or may not keep it on her finger forever, it's perfectly acceptable to let her tell you what she likes.
I hope we are both not underestimating anybody here. I hope your in-laws are good people, so I'm sorry if I sounded skeptical about them. Without knowing more about them, I had to "go there" about in-laws.
For now, that's all I gotta say, and I do hope it helps! Been there, done that, doesn't even wear her engagement ring anymore because it snags on everything, Karen